i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
