you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
