You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
