if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
