it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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