I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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