Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
