I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
