Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
