I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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