You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
