If that was your dad, he is hot
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
