I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
