Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
