I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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