he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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