Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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