I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
