Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Even my vagina gasped.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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