There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
