My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
