Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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