Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
