It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
