I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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