Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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