Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize