i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
