Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
