the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
