Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
