he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize