Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
