sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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