I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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