im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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