We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
