How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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