I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
