Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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