And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
smell my finger.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
