Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
