He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
