after a month anything with tits is on the radar
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
