You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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