I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
