I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
