my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
