You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
