the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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