I just cut my nipple shaving
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
