3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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