Already got asked if we're dating
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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