if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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