Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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