Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
