I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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