2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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