i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
