And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
