I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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