If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
