So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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