can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your cock deserves a montage
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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