I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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