After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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