Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize