Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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