guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
